What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
