so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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