Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
