haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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