"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
