im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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