I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
