she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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