OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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