Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
