I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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