yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
