Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
