Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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