Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
