he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize