sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
