If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
