i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
