There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
