I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
