they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize