I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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