My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
