She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
