Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
