if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
