so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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