ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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