Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
