just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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