i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
