my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
