if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
