I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
