i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
