Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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