Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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