Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love having hate sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize