I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
