Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
