So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
