How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
