I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
