i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
