I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
