It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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