It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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