Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
