well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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