Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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