she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
