Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
