My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
