when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
two words...techno handjob
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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