Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize