My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
