I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
