I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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