My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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