Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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