I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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