I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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