He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
