Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
