So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
