All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
