I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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