Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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