2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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