apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize