The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
