; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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