well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
