I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
