He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
zippers are such a cool invention
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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