I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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