It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize