you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize