who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize