I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
