I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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