I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
