The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
