I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
