life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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