Ambien. No doubt about it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
PS: I just woke up from my shower
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
