Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
