The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
