Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
