she was so not down for the gang bang
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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