did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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