Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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