Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
