Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
