pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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