She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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