Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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