you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
