So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
