dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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