just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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