if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my liver is dry heaving
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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