omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
