If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
