Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
