Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
