I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
