My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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