Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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