I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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