I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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