you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
