i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
