apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
