currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
