I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
