she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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