mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
