The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
